Men Don't Cry

Have you seen any man cry? Have you seen any man cry without getting drunk? Have you seen any man born before 2000 cry? If you have, you are close to them. Respect them, be there for them. Listen to them. Because usually men don't cry. Most of the time, men don't cry. In the hardest of times, men don't cry. 

"Men don't cry" - It is an internet meme, used as a change-maker to encourage men to open up. To show the volatile self inside the hard shell. This article is also going to in the same topic. My personal experience of not crying and crying. Exposing the volatility out of my hard shell. 

I grew up early, and I matured early compared to my mates. I acted like a man earlier than usual. Being a man in a traditional society like ours means being tough, being able to walk with a broken leg and not crying, not showing your weaknesses. This shapes the hollowness inside us. Not being able to talk out any volatility, the downs we are going through. Most of our fathers can be the brand ambassadors of this. They don't complain, they don't show pain, they don't cry. Maybe they do with a very, very close one. But they don't usually. We grow up watching the same, and we shape ourselves to the same. Being the eldest at home, I grew up even more like him. Not complaining a bit. Throw anything at me. 

It was the end of 2011, and I had moved that year to Tezpur (a city close to my village) with a senior of mine. I was 15, he was 17. We were all by ourselves. We had a small room for ourselves, use had one bed, and some utensils to cook. From being pampered at home to being on our own. It was a big change. I knew all house chores, I bet I still can do them better than many, I bet I was better than almost all girls at that time. Our mom had health issues, and we started helping her from the 5th grade. Eventually, my younger brother did most of the chores, because that let him skip studies and get some appreciation, plus he loved me so much. He also had to take responsibility, because he was a man, maybe those chores gave him that feeling of being useful. I was used to all those chores, but home has a different feeling; the air you breathe feels different at home. Maybe it is just me. I was away from home for the first time. I was in a new school, and I didn't have anyone in my circle as I was different. I was trying hard. 

One day, I came back home, mom was cooking chicken. I used to get special treatment. And the conversation started. To them, my life was chill; I didn't have to see the same rigor of home at that time. Life's daily needs were also occasionally hard. They were making sure I was doing well, they were making sure I could just focus on my studies and didn't have to know a lot that was going on at home. I cried out of nowhere. I cried out loud, told them how I was also finding that new life hard. New school, almost no friends, sometimes we used to cook once and eat for 2 days. I was kind of singled out at school because I didn't take tuition classes from the school teachers. And more importantly, I was missing my people, my brother, mom, and dad. And on top I there were these expectations on me, I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. 

I have been the guy who could do it all, always. The world always seems to treat me specially, treating me easily. I wasn't used to the feeling I described above. Maybe that made me cry. I was out of my shell, exposing my volatility. That helped me so much in life. I am grateful I cried that day. That made my life easier. I felt lighter. I had so much built up, I had so much to tell, everything went out at once. Living that pure me. The child, the child I am till today. I still find it hard to expose my vulnerabilities, I have very less of those, the world has treated me nicely. I have wonderful people around me. But I can cry now. I can cry acting, I can cry watching an emotional, touching movie, I cry listening to a story, and more importantly, even though I find it hard to expose my vulnerabilities, not hard enough for them to build up and make me cry.

Men shouldn't cry because they build up so much. Men shouldn't cry because they have to be rough and tough always. Men should talk, have people around to listen to, and make sure they don't have to build up to cry one day. And if they build up somehow, let them cry. Be there, listen to them. 

Shared this with a friend yesterday in response to Do I not feel lonely? My response was no. I don't. Above is the only time I felt lonely. I was surrounded by people, a school full of students, cricket coaching full of players, friends, and family, but I felt lonely because no one understood me. No one knew me because I didn't talk. I don't think there is anyone who understands me all in. And that's fine, I want to be a bit of mystery, even to this blog. It is fine, as long as my expectations of people knowing me are being fulfilled.