Expectations, Reality, Happiness, and Peace

Happiness is the difference between what we expect and what we experience. It is such a simple formula. A simple derivation is - lower the delta of expectations and reality, and be Happy. 

There are two ways to lower the delta

1. Lower your expectations
2. Improve your reality

1 is easy. Or let's say, 1 is in your control theoretically. You are visiting a new place, meeting new people - lower what you expect. If things go well, you will be super happy. If not, you weren't expecting anything. We have experienced these kinds of experiences when we didn't have a lot of expectations, but reality treated us like the favourite child of god.  This is so easy, we have just solved the root of every grumpy face ever. Not yet. We want to get into the best university, we want to have the best food, we don't want to lower all our expectations, we can't always. Let's see if we can improve our reality.

We work hard, prepare our best, give our all, and yet do not get what we expect. Only if there was a secret mantra to get it all. There are so many factors; however hard we work, we don't control all. You put on your best dress and walk into an event on a sunny day, but suddenly, on the way, you are drenched in rain. It is too late to go back home to re-dress, it is too embarrassing to go to the event all wet. Life sucks. You do you improve this? Only if there were a secret mantra to fix the dress. If there were a secret mantra to control the weather. We don't have it yet, and we are doomed. As much as we think we are special, the chances of us being here are statistically -Infinity (Negative infinity). In that sense, we are special, still here. But our every expectation has a similar low chance of getting real. Irrespective of how hard we work. I know it doesn't help. But that's the reality. 

Happiness is an illusion; reality is wild. Reality is a spectrum of joy, sorrow, anger, frustration, emptiness, profoundness, and whatnot. Accepting all is what being at peace is. This is the reality. And by accepting, we improve the reality. Not externally, but internally. We give our consciousness the space to flourish. Space to be the best of itself. Does this mean we accept and accept defeat? Yeah. We accept the current situation. And then, plan do we want to do next? Reflect and reset. And if we want to retry or go another route. Detach your motivation from emotions and results, and find joy in trying it well. There will be a time when you want something badly, it is fine to put everything, in fact, you should put everything, but you should know that at the same time, you don't control the results.  Krishna talks about this exact philosophy to Arjuna in the Gita. 

1. Accept your reality
2. Define your path
3. Walk the path with honesty
4. On every stop, loop back to 1
5. Remember, happiness is just a subset of what you are supposed to get. Be in peace.
   1. Lowering expectations isn't the answer. Not when you care about reality. 

There is a similar framework called creative tension, which is similar but not exact, that talks about how you set high goals and keep everyone moving with the current reality from a leadership position. Thanks to Shubhankar. 

Note: Originally written in 2022. Delivered a session in our poolside sessions at the Houseware retreat. We were sitting beside a pool, everyone had 30 minutes to talk about anything they wanted, and others could ask questions. I dropped - "Happiness is an illusion, and peace is all you need". Took everyone a while to recover 😅