Love triangle

Who writes this stuff? Asked one of my readers: me, me ME. I write this stuff. Writing is a way to meditate; it is a way to capture my feelings. And sometimes, expressing my feelings, and for sure, sometimes understanding them. 

I have been asked many times what love is. What are connections, what are feelings? I have described love as divine. A form of selflessness and giving all the way. Unless that happens, love isn't complete. I am defining love between two partners here. There can be more than two. Who am I to judge? 

Love, as divine as it is, is also a very complex state of mind. First, it should make you feel good. Make you feel loved, connected. How do you know this? Do you feel easy walking the lonely path this time, even though nothing else has changed? Do you feel there is someone, even though they haven't done anything for you? Do you feel easy, relaxed, and energetic after a conversation with someone? Do you see more colours in the world? Probably you are in love. It is a feeling that defines how you feel rather than what you are ready to give. Yeah, love is all about giving, but if there is a feeling to listen to, if there is a feeling you really understand - it is how you feel. Does the world feel better? Have you started acting better in your own world? Probably you are in love. 

Above is fun. It is like being on feel-good drugs. That's what you want to be feeling for life. Although you don't need a partner to feel it. Sometimes, for people like me, it can be the idea of having it. For more real, when it is a real person, it is a combination of three components. I was looking for these, I was talking about these - I used to feel the need for emotional intimacy, I used to feel the need for commitment in love. I had never in my life felt the passion, the physical attraction. And suddenly, a few months ago, I started feeling it. For a real person. 

Let me make you take a detour, because that's what I do. Trust me, it will make sense. In 2023, I needed to get married - that's what my parents thought. And my brother jumped in to find someone. I hadn't dated anyone; people don't believe. Someone called me Casanova, so I had to Google the meaning 😅. Hard for some people to believe when they know me a bit, when they know me 30/40%, and see how I operate, it kind of starts making a little bit of sense. For me to get married, I had to date. I wasn't someone who would wake up and decide to marry anyone random. I knew for sure that emotional intimacy was required. I had to respect her (as I am interested in biological females - these clarifications are required these days), and I had to find something inspiring about her, which would make me wake up looking at her proudly every day. Dates were arranged, and mutuals connected me. I was immature, and I also didn't want to get married. I thought I wasn't ready. I talked to close to a dozen girls. I am not proud, but I like to believe I didn't hurt them emotionally and did my best to make things clear and have boundaries. I was looking for something, I didn't really know, I didn't want to know. Had that spark happened, I would have been a different person. When I didn't find it, I tried running away, first upset. And beauty, I used to be upset about the smallest of things. 

I talked to a few friends, and I asked them - Does this even happen? Is this even real? Do people even feel? Most of them answered - Man, you decide what fits in your life. You decide if all boxes are ticked. And once you decide, love can come later. I asked, really? Maybe you know better. But I had a feeling that I had held onto for years. I had a crush, and just that feeling had made me fly all my life. I knew what a real person could do. I could be invincible. So, she shall be. 

I started feeling sensual, as if I had her near, I couldn't be without touching. Okay, we have video calls, but this started way back in Nov, 2025. Emotional connect was on day 1. Commitment was my question. All these things are connected. I did some research and figured it is a standard definition used in psychology. The triangular theory of love is the one that describes love as a composite of three components. 

1. Intimacy - it is the attachment or the bonding. Emotional connect, the spark you say. Can it be physical intimacy as well? I am not sure. For me, the starting point is always emotional intimacy. 
2. Passion - it is the urge to be in proximity. It is an urge to be touching, feeling the warmth of others. The sensations you feel when you think of someone. 
3. Commitment - The above two can be present, but for the love to be complete. Commitment needs to be there. A lot of people feel love fades away after a wedding. This happens because responsibilities become real. And they would have never committed to the responsibilities. They had thought about 1 & 2, and out of nowhere, 3 feels a burden. Love dies off. Just staying together isn't enough to say couples are committed. Breaking apart is hardest. I could always start here and develop 1 & 2. But I didn't want to. For me, love had to be more divine than starting with commitment. I could do this with anyone, then what was so special about it, about the person? 

The theory also explains consummate love, where it is a complete blend of all 3 above. This is where it feels divine. It requires work. Intimacy doesn't only mean being able to share, but actively sharing. If I have to point out one thing, I would point to emotional intimacy - actively sharing. Good, bad, ugly, the vulnerabilities. The small flower stand you passed by today. Be sharing. Let your guards down. If you want to feel the best form of love. It is the only way. People can provide you with space and safety, but you have to do it for yourself. Be the one practicing this, and you will find it compounding. Talk about this to your partner, and help them practice this. Because love comes with commitment. Your job is also to figure out. A bigger question to ask is, do you trust him? Is the person trustworthy? Is the person improving given the space? But give them the space, the chances, once you commit. Be intimate, be passionate. Okay, I am gonna say it - have sex, feel the warmth. Don't let an opportunity to be close. 

Let it be divine, feel the person in your blood. Feel the beats in your heart. And together make each other better. 

Cheers 🌸